At the age of seven I can remember hearing my mother and father arguing loudly. I didn’t understand what was going on but all the loud commotion and my curiosity drew my closer to their room. At the time my mom was pregnant with my sister and she was ironing some clothes. I’m not sure if this was the first fight my parents have had but this is one I will never forget. My father yelled and punched the iron board knocking it down to the floor. He then grabbed my mother and begins to choke her. I heard her struggling trying to gasp for air. I ran into their bedroom and I picked up the phone receiver and I hit my dad in the head with it. I don’t know what came over me but in my mind I had to do something to help my mom. I don’t think my little hit caused any damage but it did distract him long enough for me and my mom to run into my room and lock the door. After sitting in my room for a couple of minutes I could hear my father stomping around and then the front door slammed. Once I was sure he was gone I came out of the room and I called my grandma. I’m sure my mother was embarrassed and mad that I got her parents involved but I was scared and didn’t know what else to do. My mom and I stayed at my grandma house for a few nights then my mom went into labor. A couple months after my sister was born my mother and father separated and eventually divorced.
I remember saying to myself that I will never let a man put his hands on me. Well when I met my daughter’s father all of that went straight out the window. I met him on February 29, 2000 I remember it like it was yesterday. I thought our relationship was something special and it was meant to be because we met on leap day. What was I thinking? Everything was great the first six months we couldn’t get enough of each other. About nine months into the relationship I found out I was pregnant. Things in our relationship started to change very quickly. I suspected he was cheating and he became verbally abusive to me.
One day when I was eight months pregnant we had a huge argument and he pushed me down and jumped on top of me and proceeded to choke me in front of my two year old daughter. My step father heard all the noise and barged into my room and grabbed him off me. I called the police and pressed charges against him. He went to jail but was bailed out that same night by his aunt. I told myself I would never speak to him again. Two weeks later he called to apologize and I accepted his apology. I went into labor that same night and he was there with me to deliver my second child. After the birth of my daughter we decided to move in together and things were good for about two months then we started to have really bad arguments.
After months of arguing and verbal abuse things became physical. Majority of the time I would call the police but then when we went to court I would lie to keep him from going to jail. It became a vicious cycle. I fell into a deep depression and gained a lot of weight. I suffered from low self esteem and his constant verbal abuse did not help. I endured this abusive relationship for five years until I finally had enough. I want to explore the reasons why women stay in this type of relationships. I was fortunate to get out alive but many women end up dead leaving behind grieving children and family members.
